杂谈(北京)

这次来了北京,以不同的目标过来。上次,09年,是过来玩的,可以随心所欲。而,这次,是想找份工作的。星期二00:35,飞机抵达了首都国际机场。离开了飞机场,我直接打车到我的酒店去。

星期二走了两万两千步,星期三走了两万步。今天,星期四,也该休息休息,没走那么多。今天去了海淀区人事局,才发现招聘会今天没开。我在展厅看了一些公司的广告,就看了周围的地方。即使人不算很多,但我感受到什么是"北漂"了。

星期二,去了北理工,北航和北交大,星期三,去了北大和清华。我真喜欢中国大学的气氛。又漂亮又有文化氛围。华师大的丽娃河、厦大的芙蓉湖、厦大的情人谷、北航的绿园、北大的未名湖,都给我留下了很多美好的回忆。在这些地方,我可以掏出我的日记本,享受充满意境的环境,录下我脑海中的想法。

即使我在09年在上海生活过一年,这次来了北京还是感觉有点难适应。连简单问路都会听不懂对方说的话。或许因为没有归属,没有朋友,心里有点陌生、孤独。走了那么多的地方,交过那么多的朋友,期盼着我梦想的开端,那为什么我来到我最喜欢的国家的首都,我真没料到会这么不自在。但说句实话,我这次来中国,从签证申请处,到这次在北京所遇见的人,自己感觉他们都挺亲切,挺友好。

这几天都没到海淀外面,觉得这里的人没我想象中多。可能我逛大学的时候学生们都在教室里?

我发一些照片前,对于各个多多少少帮助过我的朋友,我想表示感谢。无论是新加坡的或者中国的,谢谢你们提我一把。在我天黑暗的时刻,给我点了一盏灯。

One Life to Live

As I further ponder how to live this life, I consider the lives of great people who have gone before me. John Sung, Hudson Taylor, Paul the Apostle, Adoniram Judson, Charles Spurgeon, D.L. Moody, Amy Carmichael, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Jim Elliot and a great many other people who I may never know. Whether it was a country like China or a people group like the Quechua Indians, every single one of them gave their lives for a cause they were called to, and not a few of them paid for it with their very lives. Many left their families, and suffered physically, emotionally, and were even taunted by those around them. However one thing they all had was a backbone of steel in the pursuit of their calling, and they were all people of character.

Looking at Adoniram Judson’s letter of courting to his first wife’s father tells a fair bit about him. I’m not sure I would have the guts to ask this of the father of a woman I’m interested in.

I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean, to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left is heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteous, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?

No doubt the world today is a very different place. The most remote places of the earth can now be reached in a maximum of days. Health standards have risen globally, and most of us shield ourselves from harsh climates by staying indoors.

Yet some things have not changed. He who gave his all for me, still expects me to give my all. Not 99%, not 101%, but 100%. How does that work? I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. – Galatians 2:20.

Recently I considered the option of teaching English. It’s not actually a new option, as I had contemplated it before and looked at numerous teaching opportunities. However what threw me off course this time was trying to evaluate the decision by myself. I thought about it for a few days, weighing the pros and cons. I eventually decided not to take it, as I felt it wasn’t the right time to move into teaching English. Teaching English is something that I will be able to do later, but it will be hard to pick up IT again if I put it down. Fair enough.

Along the way, I had a thought. IF God calls me right now to put my IT background and skills on the shelf; if he calls me to go to a remote village to teach the kids English; if it means taking a salary that will never buy me a return ticket to Singapore, am I willing to go? Have I truly laid down all of me? To laying down my IT career of 14 years, I’m willing.

It is one thing to be a martyr; quite another to be a living sacrifice. To lay still on the altar in the face of adversity and persecution when the main thought on my mind is to flee to my comfort zone.

Tonight I place myself on the altar again. Take all of me in exchange of all of you. Anywhere, anytime, I’m willing. One life to live, poured out at your feet.

The Steps We Take

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. – 1 Corinthians 13:11

It wasn’t too many years ago that I lived as though I had all the time in the world and that the future was wide open to me. The steps I took didn’t seem to matter, and many around me affirmed my youth and opportunity to experience the world and make mistakes. But now here I stand, and flashbacks of great experiences and big mistakes fill my mind. Some around me still try to tell me that I’m young. I do not dispute that, but we should also realize that young is a relative term.

Do I regret the life I’ve lived? Some parts yes, some parts no. There are things I wish I didn’t do, places I wish I didn’t go, friendships I wish I didn’t make. Yet in all things I know that it has been a rich journey, and that the vicissitudes of the the seasons will only serve to prepare me for what is to come.

However as I enter my late twenties, I am reminded that every step I take can either limit my future or be a stepping stone to the road ahead, and this can happen both in terms of actions I take and actions I do not take. If I decide to do A instead of B, the opportunity cost in the long term can be potentially huge, and with a limited lifespan, every endeavor should be considered.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand. – Psalm 37:23-24

Amen.

如何面对挫折?

最近在新加坡申请工作签证被拒了三次,心里有点难受。我昨天收到公司的通知时还面无表情,但过了一天一夜的时间,我开始意识到这件事的沉重。如果一家公司拒绝我,我可以接受。可我真没想过会被一个政府部门拦住,尽管我曾经在这里长大,在这里过了十多年的青春。几个星期前,我对我周围的朋友说我对新加坡工作的斗志力有百分之八十。我不想一直跟新加坡政府为这件事争。毕竟我很清楚我的未来、我的命运不属于这个岛国的。

我一直以来觉得自己是个比较内向的人,不是很善于跟别人沟通。这段时间看到很多周围甚至没见过面的朋友鼓励我,我十分感恩。

这挫折让我再次考虑我生命的根基。男性对自己的价值判断很多时候是与事业表现有关。在此刻,我该如何面对自己,往前走?我还有力量往前走吗?

我的心哪,你为何忧闷?为何在我里面烦躁?应当仰望神,因我还要称赞他。他是我脸上的光荣,是我的神。--诗篇 42:11

我昨晚问了我自己三个问题:
一、我还相信我生活在一个充满机会的世界吗?这让我想起昨晚一位朋友教了我“天涯何处无芳草”这句话。不知道在这情况下适合用不。
二、我还相信神具有主权吗?
三、我还相信神向我所怀的意念是赐平安的意念,不是降灾祸的意念,而要叫我末后有指望吗?
我对这三道问题的答案是个很明确的“是”。跟神走了这十多年,经历了这么多,我怎么可以不认他呢?即使路有多坎坷,我知道他的话语还是正确的,有他与我同行,明天总是亮的。

我心里发昏的时候,我要从地极求告你。求你领我到那比我更高的磐石!--诗篇 61:2

我会如何面对这次的挫折?就像我之前面对挫折一样,不绝望,不断一步一步往前走。

我不知道明天会带来什么,但我知道谁掌管一切。